Searching for yourself

Searching for yourself isn't so hard if you consider the journey the destination. Right now there's a mental block up somewhere in my noggin keeping me from extending past the barriers and falling off some snowy cliff into wandering thought. This is keeping me from freaking out (about nothing) but it's weird to feel as though my mind means to go somewhere further than it's going but isn't able to. Hard to describe.

I've got to *do* without judgement which I think is probably a little easier to do when you know what you're doing. At the moment I feel as though I am in break-out phase. But breaking out of what? And into what? At least one of these questions should be touched upon in order to give me some semblance of direction. Otherwise what am I doing? Bursting in and back briefly like a solar flare. Electrons in close orbit. Where do I want to go? How far do I extend?

It's the format I like best

Self-indulgent, yes. A little mainstream, well who isn't. A certain spin and style is added to words that have the possibility of being viewed by others. So here I am. Again.

Not sure exactly what to do or where to go from here. I've been feeling stuck inside my own head lately; there's so much that I want to dooooo but I can't seem to force it through my pores and materialize it. I need something to push me out of me, I need a forum or an excuse to start the things I want to start so that I don't just sit here thinking of things I want to do instead of doing them. That's too easy a loop to get stuck in. I ain't havin' none of that.

(Self-judging statements like that are the first step to combating apathy...make yourself a teensy bit disgusted with yourself and maybe you'll get on the road to changing your life a bit sooner than you would otherwise.)

I need an ambition to work towards, some sort of larger goal that requires daily goals more challenging than "do laundry" or "sort recyclables." Not that those aren't important. ...and I need to acknowledge and make real my hobbies and interests, ask myself what I like to do and take the time to really listen to my answer. I need to discover what makes me me, because I think that sometimes I get lost inside here. Here being my head or my heart or my soul or just literally here, wherever here may be.

This is a step in a direction, though whether it is right is left to be seen.